3 Lessons Learned at my daughter's wedding

1. 

   In matters of love, there is always more to express.

1. Preparing and delivering a wedding speech provided an opportunity to reminisce, express my love for Taylor, and learn a few things along the way. Her sparkling eyes and open heart were a welcoming space for my words. There was a moment when Tay's expression seemed to say, "ugh oh, Mom don't go there!" as I touched on a topic from her teenage years, followed by relief when I didn't continue. Moms are like baleen whales; we have filters. Despite its imperfections and sniffle-laden moments, my speech was a direct expression of love that transcended words.

I now realize we don't have to wait for the opportunity of a formal speech to go through the steps.. For me, this began by letting words free-flow into the 'voice memo' feature on my phone as I walked along forest trails. Later with using "transcribe", voila, there was my speech in text, albeit a 37-minute version for a 6-minute time guideline! Ah, but the the bones were there. Then after a challenging dissection, it all fell in place.

The emotions that flowed through the creative process didn't depend on delivery of the speech. Delivery could be a face-to-face chat, by phone, recording, or letter. If words aren't your forté let the feelings and memories inspire a sketch or painting.

We can also honor those who have passed by reflecting, writing, or creating. It's never too late to recognize what's in our hearts.

2. Healing from family conflicts can be more profound when we come together in celebration of love.

Family gatherings frequently confront us with past hurts. Use this chance to come together in the shared love for those being honored.

The days surrounding the wedding provided an opportunity for me to reconnect with my former in-laws, who will always feel like family. It was a time to stand together, arms linked, with Taylor's dad, his wife, and my husband Mitch, united in our love for Taylor and her new husband Nick. An unforgettable moment was when Taylor's dad and I prepared to walk our daughter to her waiting groom. A high-five and a meaningful glance between us captured the essence of our shared history, with all its ups and downs, culminating in this perfect moment.

The end of a marriage doesn't mean it wasn't 'successful'.

If you anticipate that your family situation might be confrontational or challenging, take the necessary steps to recognize and address your emotions well in advance. Establish the boundaries you require, and then, embody the love that defines you. Everything else is merely a narrative within the sphere of love. 

3. We are not responsible for other people's happiness.

When I asked my dear friend Liz if she had advice for me after her son's wedding, she said 'be present'. It actually made me chuckle as that's what I teach, and yet I can't hear it often enough. Liz said she was so busy taking care of others that she wasn't very present for herself. I took her precaution to heart, considered the needs of others, and didn't take on responsibility for their enjoyment. I was free to have a great time, and a great time it was!

Oh, and another tip I picked up as the mother of the bride: Skip the after-party, even if you're invited. You're still a parent, after all:) Rest up and have a 'whale of a time' the following day.

Your Mental Playlist and Freedom from it

Have you noticed what is getting 'air-time' in your head lately?

You know, the steady stream of thoughts spinning like an LP on a turn-table, running like a hamster in a wheel?

Try to mute this mental chatter, and you might discover that it only amplifies.

If you've ever claimed that your mind is too busy to meditate, you know this phenomenon first hand.

 So, is there freedom beyond our playlists of thinking? If so, how can you access it?

STEP 1 to FREEDOM; UNDERSTAND & NOTICE

 Understand that the chatter is a normal function of the brain. Don't try to stop, edit or control it. Simply notice it.

 This 'blah-blah-blah' playlist sings out a limited idea of who we are. It shapes a narrow perception of you and the world around you. In addition, the naturally negative bias we share as humans, authors a bleak autobiography.

Freedom comes from recognizing these natural tendencies. The recognition will buy a little space to catch a glimpse of your true nature, rather than be stuck in a lesser story of who you are.

This isn't spiritual gobbly gook. Neuroscientific hypothesis links the 'playlist' to specific areas of the brain, referred to as the Default Mode Network. (DMN)

STEP TWO TO FREEDOM; SHIFT GEARS

Good news; we have another neural network that is connected to well-being, happiness and wholeness. All you need to access it, is your attention. You can shift your attention from one object in the room to another, right? You can also shift attention outside of your default narrative. You actually do this all the time already, but more on that later.

 I invite you to 'test your gears' in 4 steps:

1.  Close your eyes or soften your gaze, and enjoy a couple of satisfying breaths.

2. Tune into your playlist of thoughts for a while. Just noticing thinking.

3. Shift attention to notice how you are aware of thinking.

4. What is it like to be aware?

Did this simple inquiry change your relationship to the playlist, even if momentarily? Does something feel different? Can you feel yourself as the noticer, rather than being hooked into the thoughts?

Or, are you wondering what the heck I'm asking you to do? If it confusing, good. WIllfully stepping out of the DNS can be disorienting. You might take comfort in the fact that you are already switching gears of consciousness often, every day and every night. It is just likely that nobody has pointed that out to you.

When you are simply aware, notice the qualities of awareness. Does awareness feel more peaceful, light, and/or spacious? What else do you notice when you are simply aware of all that comes and goes in your mind?

Comparatively, the playlist of thoughts may feel more stressful, contracted, or dense.

Awareness is a state of consciousness connected to creativity and potentiality, where we are free of our perceived limitations.

A WORD OF CAUTION

Trying too hard to stay as awareness will lock you out. Awareness isn't something you "do". In this practice you shift attention away from the content of your mind and the "doing". You shift into noticing, or "being", just as you are, naturally, before your mind applies interpretive thoughts.

Simply relax attention, notice being aware of whatever you are aware of, however fleeting it may be. It is natural for the Default Mode Network to re-engage, landing you back into the "blah-blah-blah". The good news is that when you notice that happening, you are already back in awareness of it.

The goal is not to achieve any one state, but rather to be able to recognize and navigate the changing states with increasing ease. Each state has its own validity; a negative bias is designed to keep you safe. With practice, you more readily access the wisdom to know what is true and when to take action.

Initially, moving attention from a thought stream to being aware of thinking, may feel clumsy or inaccessible. Like learning to drive a manual transmission car, practice will lead to a smooth shift between our states of consciousness.

FREE UP ENERGY

Our subconscious avoidance of the DMN demands a lot of energy. We might tune out the playlists by staying overly busy, self-soothing with substances, excessive risk-taking, or my personal favorite, over-thinking.

Often, I catch myself overthinking - not with judgment, but with curiosity and appreciation of the opportunity to change lanes of consciousness. I notice overthinking, feel how it feels, then notice how it is to be aware of it. In my experience, awareness is refreshing, relaxing, and freeing.

It should be noted that concentration or focus on a task, work or activity is an effective rest from the DMN. It's just that we can't sustain that focus for long without draining our energy.

I invite you to notice how it is for you to be open to the awareness of whatever is happening in your experience. For best results do little bits, often.

Imagine the liberation of not being stuck in your thoughts, and not having to change them or turn them off.

There are many paths to freedom. Join me on Thursdays for iRest Yoga Nidra and the opportunity to practice switching gears to discover innate wisdom and well-being.  

Have fun exploring, and let me know how it goes for you!

Julie's top 10 packing tips

Reflecting on our recent Camino Frances walk of over 800 kilometers (500 miles), there isn’t one thing in my 12-pound backpack that I didn’t regret packing. Nothing was left behind that I missed enough to wish I’d carried it. Mitch and I walked through rain, sleet, snow, wind, desert heat, spring sunshine, historic cities, and cooling cathedrals. The temperatures ranged from 0 degrees Celsius to plus 25 C. I learned a few tricks over the year, and on frequent trips to Thailand, but the Camino brought next-level packing efficiency. I hope these tips give you the confidence to lighten your load: 

1. Aim for two;  every item in the bag ideally has at least two purposes. i.e.; the ultralight umbrella kept me dry in light rain, and cool under intense sun. A sarong served as a towel, picnic blanket, yoga mat, and privacy screen in a dormitory bunk bed.  If you like to wear shorts or a shorter skirt, pull a sarong out of your day bag for a modesty wrap when visiting cathedrals or temples. 

2. Merino is magic For socks, underwear, and t-shirts or base layers, there’s nothing like Merino wool for stink-free coziness, body temperature regulation,  and quick drying time. Consider various fabric weights for the climate;125 g/m2 for a light warm weather tee, and 150 g/m2 for a more sturdy and versatile everyday tee. Layer them up when it gets chilly. You can wear merino wool for multiple days before they need a wash. 

3. One to wash, one to wear Plan on two sets of everyday clothing and perhaps a special piece when you want to step it up a notch. Including my travel clothes for the flights, a couple of days in Paris, and a train journey to the starting point of our 33-day walk, we had two sets of clothes to walk in and a set to lounge/sleep in. It was all we needed. Consider Three tops: two short-sleeve (one doubles as sleepwear), and one long-sleeve. Three bottoms: 2 long, 1 short, or zip-off trousers. I like one pair of zip-off trekking pants, one pair of leggings, and a light skirt for maximum versatility. 

4. And a wee bit more If you followed suggestion #3 and you have room in your bag, add a few “luxury items”; an extra pair of underwear, socks, a light dress or a dressier shirt. But don’t fill that bag just because you have space. 

5. Buff it up! When my neck is cold, I’m cold. A scarf or ‘Buff’ neck tube is not only cozy, but it doubles as sun protection when pulled up over your nose and cheeks, and can be used as a hair band/wrap and an eye mask. 

6. Cycling sleeves; no cycling required. Cycling sleeves or UV arm protection sleeves come in handy for sun protection or added warmth. Wear them with a short-sleeved tee for a chilly morning, and whisk them off for when things heat up. Or maybe when your jacket comes off, the sleeves go on for sun protection.  Look for breathable fabric, like…wait for it…merino. 

7. Solidify and sail through security From chewable toothpaste tablets and shampoo bars to laundry strips from Tru-Earth, lighten your load and fly through airport security with fewer liquids.  I use Rocky Mountain Soap Co’s juicy orange bar as a face wash. Just slice the bar of soap thinly and tuck a few in a zip lock bag. Bonus tip: Contact lens cases are ideal storage solutions to sleekly slide into a bag or pocket. I keep a set on me with tinted sunscreen in one compartment, and regular sunscreen in the other. If you don't wear contacts ask someone who does. It will keep theirs out of the landfill, save you buying a set and your friend will appreciate the newly found purpose in the cases. 

8. Zip it up A snack-size zip-lock bag or two will stow a soggy soap bar or a handful of snacks; a sandwich-size for electronics and one for your passport. Large freezer bags keep clothes sorted and easily identifiable while weighing less than travel-specific cloth organizers. On the way home use those bags to seal that cheese from France, or quinoa from Peru. 

9. Shoes - just do it. It’s not easy, but just do it; stick to one, versatile and comfortable pair of shoes and one pair of sandals. On the Camino, I had a pair of trekking shoes, and almost weightless, slide-in sandal-style Crocs to go out for dinner, wear in shared showers, and to use as slippers in hotel rooms. 

10. Hats - your head is closest to heaven To top it off, consider the climate and whether you will need sun protection, warmth, or both. For the sun, look for a wide brim, possibly with detachable flaps to protect the ears and neck. For warmth, a lightweight ‘toque’ as we say in Canada, or a beanie will do the trick and will take little space in your bag. On the airplane, snuggle into your beanie and roll down the brim for soothing darkness. Just as 'less is more' in purposeful, functional, therapeutic movements, so it is with packing! That’s a foundation for your formulations. Please share your tips with me.