3 Lessons Learned at my daughter's wedding

1. 

   In matters of love, there is always more to express.

1. Preparing and delivering a wedding speech provided an opportunity to reminisce, express my love for Taylor, and learn a few things along the way. Her sparkling eyes and open heart were a welcoming space for my words. There was a moment when Tay's expression seemed to say, "ugh oh, Mom don't go there!" as I touched on a topic from her teenage years, followed by relief when I didn't continue. Moms are like baleen whales; we have filters. Despite its imperfections and sniffle-laden moments, my speech was a direct expression of love that transcended words.

I now realize we don't have to wait for the opportunity of a formal speech to go through the steps.. For me, this began by letting words free-flow into the 'voice memo' feature on my phone as I walked along forest trails. Later with using "transcribe", voila, there was my speech in text, albeit a 37-minute version for a 6-minute time guideline! Ah, but the the bones were there. Then after a challenging dissection, it all fell in place.

The emotions that flowed through the creative process didn't depend on delivery of the speech. Delivery could be a face-to-face chat, by phone, recording, or letter. If words aren't your forté let the feelings and memories inspire a sketch or painting.

We can also honor those who have passed by reflecting, writing, or creating. It's never too late to recognize what's in our hearts.

2. Healing from family conflicts can be more profound when we come together in celebration of love.

Family gatherings frequently confront us with past hurts. Use this chance to come together in the shared love for those being honored.

The days surrounding the wedding provided an opportunity for me to reconnect with my former in-laws, who will always feel like family. It was a time to stand together, arms linked, with Taylor's dad, his wife, and my husband Mitch, united in our love for Taylor and her new husband Nick. An unforgettable moment was when Taylor's dad and I prepared to walk our daughter to her waiting groom. A high-five and a meaningful glance between us captured the essence of our shared history, with all its ups and downs, culminating in this perfect moment.

The end of a marriage doesn't mean it wasn't 'successful'.

If you anticipate that your family situation might be confrontational or challenging, take the necessary steps to recognize and address your emotions well in advance. Establish the boundaries you require, and then, embody the love that defines you. Everything else is merely a narrative within the sphere of love. 

3. We are not responsible for other people's happiness.

When I asked my dear friend Liz if she had advice for me after her son's wedding, she said 'be present'. It actually made me chuckle as that's what I teach, and yet I can't hear it often enough. Liz said she was so busy taking care of others that she wasn't very present for herself. I took her precaution to heart, considered the needs of others, and didn't take on responsibility for their enjoyment. I was free to have a great time, and a great time it was!

Oh, and another tip I picked up as the mother of the bride: Skip the after-party, even if you're invited. You're still a parent, after all:) Rest up and have a 'whale of a time' the following day.