Post-retreat contemplation in Thailand revealed something "off" around my personal sense of purpose. Who am I to know what life wants of me? Is it mine to know? Did you notice "I, "me" and "mine in the last three lines? The elephant in this room is Ego. Ego, that circular pattern of thinking that endlessly tries to define me, says "Your purpose is to love, be loved, to help others connect to love." Ever quick to judge, ego adds "how noble!" Rather than buy into self-affirming judgment, I notice good ol' Ego spinning an autobiographical story, as she does. How sweet! It becomes clear that the sticky feeling of 'something off' holds a cautionary message: A sense of purpose, formulated by "me", is embellished by the limited ego. There might be something more here. With Ego's narrative acknowledged, I drop the question of purpose into not knowing; into feeling. Sitting with the question of purpose without trying to answer it, attention descends from my head and joins my gut and heart. The feeling might be described as 'connection'. It feels authentic, familiar, and at the same time, fresh. It is the place of potentiality and possibility. We might say that purpose expresses from the depth of the impersonal. Aligned with this depth, feels like a ship cutting through the ocean surface; the feeling is steadfast, empowered, and present. In pure presence, just being is purpose enough. Ego might weave a tapestry of stories that we can understand and that inspire us in daily life. If we don't know our purpose in words, we can still know we matter. We don't need to be able to explain why we are on this earth. My offerings this year will underscore a connection to purpose. Consider a private retreat or private session if you'd like to take a deep dive into the pearl of purpose or into any "stickiness" showing up for you. Contemplative questions: What does connection feel like to you? What if you become familiar with this feeling showing up in your life, as if it were your inner GPS, giving you direction and sense of purpose? How would your actions and choices be affected?
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